It has been a month and some change since my last blog. And that blog was only to communicate that I was safe post-earthquake. I apologize for the unplanned silence. I need to give credit where credit is due. My editor PJ has done his best to keep me accountable as I have asked him to do. In addition to editing these blogs, he also helps remind me when I need to take a break, sit down, and write to stay on my schedule. Initially, everything just fell on a Tuesday and my December got very busy. First I was helping with the school play. Next was the school’s Christmas program. Both of these fell on a Tuesday in December. Oh, I also turned 33 on Friday, December 14th. After that… well, good ol’ seasonal depression kicked in.
If you don’t already know this about me, I struggle with clinical depression. I was diagnosed about 12 years or so ago. Side note, I’ve struggled with the symptoms since middle school. My depression can be triggered like this past weekend, and end more quickly when the trigger is resolved. Those times aside there are more ‘regular’ cycles I go through at least 3-4 times a year that are much worse and longer than these shorter ones. It can last weeks to months. From my birthday until the new year is when one of these cycles sets in. Don’t get me wrong, New Year’s Eve is one of my favorite holidays, and the winter solstice is one of my favorite days of the year (means the darkest day is soon to be over). That said, there is just deep loneliness that sets in around this time of year. A pain of isolation that gets heightened, especially after the festivities of my favorite…pre-holiday? Why do we even celebrate New Year’s Day (during the day). Never understood that one…
How am I doing on the depression front? Awe, well thanks for asking. I actually have a blog in the works on that very topic. Stay tuned.
Author: A.P. Smither
Editor: P.J. Walk
Blog Disclaimer: views and opinions expressed by A.P. Smither do not necessarily reflect the views of his editors, current employers, or ministry affiliates: Light Shine Ministries and Hope of the Nations Christian Center.